Underneath That Tough Skin
by Stacey And E Productions
Summary: -Tess Tyler Centric- "A little bit longer and I'll be fine". What lies. If only they could see the real me... Contains Natess, Naitlyn, Saness, Barrola, JasonOC, Nitchie, and more. Some harsh langauge, warnings will be listed second chapter.
1. Prologue

**A/N: We wanted to figure out things underneath Tess's bitchy exterior. Like, maybe she was wronged or something, so we decided to write a story, more emo, more drama, and, well, just jumping straight to the good stuff. So, yeah. We won't be able to update a lot of our stories because we can't read them or send out review replies or even review (soooo sorry if we hadn't reviewed your story, you'll find out why soon) because of the parental blocks on the new laptop that Stacey got for her birthday. It ticked her off to no end, so yeah, overprotective parents. Sorry. Oh, well. Here's our new story! Enjoy!**

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**Prolouge**

A young blond ballet dancer looked like she was close to throwing up. This was me. Back in the past. Me, the incredible, extremly hated Tess Tyler. Yes, I was a sweet little ballet dancer, and everytime I go into this past, I want to cry. I don't see this innocent mind as me. Too young to have to go to the extremes, but it happened, this sweet innocent little girl, only three years old. I want to cry, when I see her go onto the stage and smile, and filled her heart with so much joy and hope when she saw her mother, our mother, TJ Tyler out in the stands.

The little girl performs with pride, and it's obvious she doesn't know the truth. It hurts me when I see that. The sweet little girl again appears, but her face is twisted with heartbreak and looks close to tears. Her, correction, our mother isn't out there once again. After performing with so much conviction and anger, she runs off the stage the moment she can to the bathroom. In the fancy bathroom, we find a curly haired ballerina, also tear streaked, another blond girl the same age as the blond ballet dancer who just ran in.

The new blond girl, however, was looking scared with another brunette girl, both of them built thinly, and pierced ears with dangling jewlery. The brunette, however, obviously was a dancer, in a black leotard with black dance pants and a half-jacket cover-up. The brunette was looking at the young girl. It broke my heart to see her rush into someone else's arms, crying. Her first mistake she will make.

Then the young girl becomes me as she watched the older curly haired ballerina, against her younger sister's wishes, forced vomit out of herself, and looked at the young girl. She said, "You want to know why I just did that, don't you?"

I nod, and she sent the two younger girls away, but not me. She sat down with me, and said, "I know that look. The first time you were abanded by someone you love. Did your mother or father not show up? My parents didn't again."

I nod, and said, "I don't know who my father is."

The girl looked shocked, and said, "I'm Dominique, but call me Domino if you can't say my full name. My little sisters Elisha and Stacey do. Elisha goes by E. Anyway, I found that purging out the food you eat when your nervous after you feel broken makes you feel better. Do you wanna try?"

Not knowing the addiction that would come out of it, I nodded. Dominique showed me how I could use the back of a toothbrush to force the vomit out, and I was shocked at the feeling and power it gave me. I liked the feeling of being able to get rid of something wasted, and as if the heartache was going away just by doing this.

Later I found out that the first time mom was there was because she was told it was good for publicty. I purged again. Then I got my first guitar, and I started writing my songs, please by the feelings and deepness of it. I was only six when I held my first guitar. I loved it, and it was sparkling, making me feel better, and Domino became my mentor. Elisha and Stacey tried to convince me and Dominique not to do these things.

We became like sisters. One big family to depend on one another. Dominque was four years older then us. She was seven when she started purging. We both quite ballet at the same time, and took up guitar at the same time. Dominque was eleven with her guitar. We both were so close. I was so young, so niave, and often sang about my problems. The first song I ever sang was Cher's "Heart of Stone".

**_Beneath the white fire of the moon  
Love's wings have broken all too soon  
We never learn  
Hurt together, hurt alone  
Don't you sometimes wish your heart was, a heart of stone?_**

**_We turn the wheel and break a chain  
Put steal to steal and laugh at pain  
We're dreamers in castle made of sand  
The road to Eden's overgrown  
Don't you sometimes wish your heart was made of stone?_**

**_Look at the headlines  
Big crowds at the crazy house  
Long queue for the joker's shoes  
Ten rounds in the ring with love  
Do you lose and win or win and lose?_**

**_Sweet rain like mercy in the night  
(Lay me down, wash away the sorrow)  
Caress my soul and set it right  
(Lay me down, show me your tomorrow)  
Summer tears, winter and the moment's flown  
Don't you sometimes wish your heart was a heart of stone?_**

**_Mercy, mercy wish you heart was a heart of stone?  
Get the picture  
No room for the innocent  
Peak season in lonely town  
Knocked out of the ring by love  
Are you down and up or up and down?_**

**_I ask the river for a sign  
(In a dream, we go on together)  
How long is love supposed to shine?  
(In a dream, diamonds are forever)  
But you and I, we hurt together, we hurt alone  
Don't you sometimes wish you heart was a heart of stone?_**

**_Mercy, mercy wish your heart was a heart of stone?  
(With a heart of stone, you'll be well protected)  
Don't you sometimes wish your heart was made of stone?  
(With a heart of stone, love's not resurected)  
Mercy, mercy wish your heart was a heart of stone?  
(With a heart of stone, you'll be well protected)  
Don't you sometimes wish your heart was made of stone?  
(With a heart of stone, love's not resurected)_**

You cry, but I sung it, I felt the words. I was only nine, but I knew it had to mean something powerful. My mother never gave me love, and I didn't know what to do with myself. At age ten, my bags were being packed against my will. I was going to Camp Rock with no friends, and nothing but what I was given, and I grabbed my guitar quickly before someone forgot it. I got in the limo, sadly. No Dominique, no E, no Stacey for three monthes.

Arriving at Camp with my guitar on my back and my Louis Vittion bags being carried away, tears fell down my face, until I accidently ran into a red head. She gave a shriek of pain, and snarled at me, "Who are _you_ and who let _you_ on MY turf?"

Timdly, I said, "Tess Tyler."

The girl's face suddenly went from angry to appoligetic, and she said, "I'm _so_ sorry, Tess! I'm Carson, I'm the authority on the cool people here at Camp Rock. This is my last year however. But I think I already know that I want _you_ to be my replacment. Call me Casey, though."

I was shocked, this girl suddenly wanted to be best friends with me because of my _mother_? I had slits on my upper arms that weren't noticable, and slits on my legs! So many people have called me the "Emo Tess Tyler" because of my whole problems! And now this girl wants my friendship? But maybe I could use this to my advantage.

However, the road wasn't all that smooth. I bumped into the Nate Gray, back before he was famous. And that's when some of my scars showed, the unnoticable ones were the ones he saw. He grabbed me arm and twisted it to show the scars, with an eyebrow raised. I saw my face there, scared, and obviously knowing that my game was exposed. I asked, "Who are you? I'm..."

Before I could finish my sentence, he said, "Tess Tyler. I know who you are. I'm Nate Gray. Why on _Earth_ do you have these slits on your wrists? You have everything, why would you need to cut?"

I gulped and said quietly, "Hardly anyone's noticed them here. I cut because mom isn't here with me, just like always. No Domino, none of my sisters or support, and now I'm having to put up the biggest lie I've ever put up. You wouldn't understand, Nate."

Nate looked at me with care in his eyes. That threw me off even more. The deep care embedded in his eyes was enough to make me tremble. I couldn't stand looking at those eyes. It was amazing, deeper than anything. It sent shivers down my whole body. I knew I wanted him right then and there. Nate said, "I'm pretty certain I can understand. But I won't impose. So, Tess, what other secrets have you been hiding?"

My second biggest mistake was spilling all my precious secrets to him, telling him everything, the lie, taking advantage of Caitlyn just because Carson said to becaue I had to be tough, writing songs despite that Carson said girls like us don't have to, mom never having been there, my three weeks of ballet dancing, how I learned everything from Dominique, and everything else I was hiding.

Nate was holding me at this point, letting me spill tears all over his tee-shirt. Nate was rubbing my back, and it felt good at that point. After a while, I got my first kiss from him. A soft, chaste kiss, but a kiss nonetheless. After five seconds, the longest five seconds of my life, we pulled apart. I asked, "Why did you that?"

Nate smiled, and said, "You need to know that not all guys are out to take advantage of you. Do you want me to show you that?"

With a nod, and a smile, the tears drying up on my face, I knew I wanted him so bad. Nate smiled, and said, "You're the first girl I've met that actually can give reasons as to why she has to cry. I've never understood why some girls cry without a reason. I think I like you."

He knew it was too early to say the word "love". I didn't even know the meaning of the word. Writing a song about him took me only five minutes. However, that wall came crumbeling down when Caitlyn came in, saying, "I met this guy named Nate. He's so sweet. I think I love him. But he wasn't willing to talk to me, for some reason."

My heart broke. Caitlyn obviously had no idea what kind of damaged she just did. I narrowed my eyes, keeping the tears out of my eyes, feeling close to breaking into two. But I said angerily, "He's _mine_. Nate kissed me! He knows everything about me! I talked to him for two hours! He knows me more than you could ever know me!"

This, however, was not what Caitlyn wanted to hear from me. Caitlyn said, "I thought you didn't need anyone to lean onto. I tried to understand you, but you won't let me in. What if your producer just walked out on you?"

I, however, found this was an issue of pride and not an issue of Nate Gray anymore. I snapped, "You can't just walk out on me. Besides, I don't need you right now, at least not anymore."

Caitlyn, however, obviously had a pride issue as well. We were both going to break, but we didn't care at the moment. Caitlyn said, "You know what? I'm going to stay. It's not about Nate, it's about the fact you never let anyone in. But you were _more_ than willing to let some guy you barely know in!"

Caitlyn was angry at me, but she wasn't going to mess me up at the next jam we had. At the jam, Caitlyn found herself helping my song that I had written, and only Nate knew about my songs, but I somehow ended up spilling to Caitlyn that I wrote this song. I don't know why. I just wanted to show Caitlyn that I trusted her.

Grabbing the microphone, I said into it, "This goes out to a very special someone. It's called 'Fly On The Wall', and I'm pretty sure he'll know why it's called that."

I started to sing, and my pure voice obviously captivated everyone.

**_You don't understand what it is  
That makes me tick, but you wish you did  
You're always second guess wonderin'  
I say yes, but you just lose out everytime_**

**_If only you knew what I talked about  
When I'm with my friends, just hangin' out  
Then you'd have the inside scoop  
On what to say, what to do  
That way when you play the game  
Baby, you can never lose_**

**_Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?  
A creepy little, sneaky little fly on the wall?  
All my precious secrets, yeah, you'd know them all  
Don't you wish you that could be a fly on the wall?_**

**_You'd love to know the things I do  
When I'm with my friends and not with you  
You're always second guess, wonderin'  
There's other guys I'm flirtin' with  
You should know by now_**

**_If you were my boyfriend, I'd be true to you  
If I make a promise, I'm comin' through  
Don't you wish that you could  
See me every second of the day  
That way you would have no doubt  
That baby I would never change_**

**_Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?  
A creepy little, sneaky little fly on the wall?  
All my precious secrets, yeah, you'd know them all  
Don't you wish you that could be a fly on the wall?_**

**_A little communication  
Well, that will go a long way  
You're getting misinformation  
Too much she say, he say_**

**_And what I say is  
Come a little closer  
And what I'm gonna say is_**

**_Don't ya, don't ya  
Don't ya, don't ya  
Wish you were a?  
Hey_**

**_Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?  
A creepy little, sneaky little fly on the wall?  
All my precious secrets, yeah, you'd know them all  
Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?_**

When I finished, I got a huge round of applause. I smiled, and waved. I could've recorded an album already. As a matter of fact, we were in the process of writting songs for my debut album "Bleed Like Me". They promised I wouldn't have to hear it until I was ready.

As Final Jam imposed, I had finished writing a new song for Final Jam. Caitlyn took one look at it, and said, "Don't you think that Carson would notice if you changed from a seemingly okay postion to this? Or could you say someone else wrote it for you, like you usually do?"

I looked at her, and said, "Well, what's wrong with it?"

It was called "Everybody's Fool" and I knew that Carson James wouldn't approve of this song in the least bit. Caitlyn raised an eyebrow at me, and I sighed. I went back to the other song I had written, "One Step At A Time". Caitlyn however, knew this song was about Nate. She glared at me, and said, "If you want me to produce a song written for Nate, the guy you stole from me, I'm outta here."

I looked at her, and said, "Fine. Walk out on me. I don't need you."

It was a lie. I did need her, but my pride refused to tell her that. When she walked out, I grabbed my guitar, and cancelled all the props, and even got rid of the lighting.

I went up on the stage and saw my mom in the panel of judges. Instantly nervous, I looked over at Nate, who was smiling. I gulped, I was trapped here, and then I sat down at the solitary stool placed out for me, with a microphone to amplify the aucostic guitar, and my own microphone. I looked out at the audience, there were too many people.

Carson was waiting for me to hurry up, and I was so scared. I started singing, and this time, nothing was hiding my voice. My mother looked impressed, and I got even more scared, hiding everything away. I got so into the song.

**_Hurry up and wait, so close yet so far away  
Everything that you've ever dreamed of  
Close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch_**

**_You wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet  
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it  
You know you can if you get the chance  
In your face and the door keeps slamming_**

**_Now you're feeling more and more frustrated  
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting  
We live and we learn to take_**

**_One step at a time there's no need to rush  
It's like learning to fly or falling in love  
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen  
That we find reasons why, one step at time_**

**_You believe and you doubt  
You're confused and got it all figured out  
Everything that you've always wished for  
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours if they only knew_**

**_Now you're feeling more and more frustrated  
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting  
We live and we learn to take_**

**_One step at a time there's no need to rush  
It's like learning to fly or falling in love  
I'ts gonna happen and it's supposed to happen  
That we find reasons why, one step at a time_**

**_When you can't wait any longer  
But there's no end in sight  
It's the faith that makes you stronger  
The only way we get there is one step at a time_**

**_Take one step at time there's no need to rush  
It's like learning to fly or falling in love  
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen  
That's why we find reasons why, one step at a time_**

**_One step at a time there's no need to rush  
It's like learning to fly or falling in love  
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen  
That's why we find reasons why, one step at a time_**

When I ended my song, I hear thunderous applause, but the most shocking performance of all was Carson's. She sung such an annoying pop song, with no soul in it or anything, I just wanted to rip her face off. I felt sick to my stomach, _this_ was the beauty queen I had looked up to? However, when she fell of the stage in shock, I gasped. It was like I had wished for it or something. Carson looked embarassed, and ran off, instead of facing it head on.

Then on came Nate Gray with two other guys, possibly Shane Gray and Jason Gray, the two older Gray brothers. Rumor had it they really didn't like hanging around each other too much, but the way they sang together and performed together, it was like the Gray brothers hadn't been having huge fights that everyone could hear. It was as if Nate knew that I was expecting something huge.

I gulped, and noticed that I most likely wouldn't win with a competion like that. In the end, it was "Connect 3", the generic band name they chose (they probably had a huge fight over it, and decided on something generic instead so there would be no more fighting), and I couldn't believe it. My own mother didn't vote for me! She just gave me this apoligetic smile, and "Connect 3" landed the record deal!

Fast foward to when Mitchie Torres showed up at Camp Rock. I had gotten down the whole hiding my secrets, changed from pure and soulful to just mainstream pop, hardly any of which I wrote myself. I then met Mitchie when she bumped into me. I huffed, and looked at her. I couldn't believe how evil I sounded.

It wasn't until after Camp Rock when I had fucked up that I got back the real me. I confessed everything before camp ended, saying, "Excuse me, excuse me? Could I have everyone's attention?"

Thankfully, everyone gave me their rap attention. I sighed, and said, "It takes... a big person to admit they made a mistake. It takes an even bigger person to admit they're wrong. Well, I must be bigger then both of those, because not only am I admitting I was wrong, I admit I made countless mistakes. My first mistake takes us back when I was a young ballet dancer. Purging away was when I was first shown it, all because mom wasn't there. Fleeing into someone else's arms to cry to was what made me broken.

"And soon, I found ways to shed myself of everything I ever was. Broken, praying, needing, and showing only strength was how I got by. The second biggest mistake was falling into Nate Gray's arms in my first year. The first thing that drove Caitlyn away from me. The other thing was Carson. Casey, the most popular girl at camp, everything I wanted to be and wasn't. At least, so I thought. I didn't know exactly who I wanted to be until I met Mitchie. Mitchie was sweet, kind, naive, never having to show anything else.

"I didn't want her to have everything I wanted. The abilty to show her true colors. I felt like I had to put her down just to pick myself back up off the ground, but I was wrong. I didn't have to. I just chose to. I was still in love with you, Nate, but upon meeting someone else, I fell so hard for him, but I just couldn't show my emotions. It's been five years, Caitlyn. Don't you think we should end this war? A war over someone who wasn't the real reason in the first place? I'm turning sixteen next year. I think it's time we all moved on.

"Mitchie, I wasn't jealous of Shane, as a matter of fact, it was just a front to begin with. But getting so used to the act is part of who I used to be. Seeing you and Peggy preform just shattered the stained glass I was hiding behind. I really hate to admit it, but I was jealous you had everything I could ever want. A mother who's there for you, a father, and friends who actually like you. I know I made you feel three feet tall.

"But I felt smaller than that. You could've broken me down ages ago, but without that knowledge, you didn't. So what else is left? Thanks for your time everyone. I just had to get that off of me chest."

Stepping down from the microphone, I left everyone silent, and Nate looking like I had punched him in the gut. Caitlyn, shocked at seeing me actually admit I was wrong. Mitchie, looking like she had just found out she's pregnant, which she wasn't, by the way, it's just how I would've looked, a mix of shock, happy, sad, and scared. Peggy, looking solemen. Barron and Sander stood there, wondering what alien had replaced me, it was obvious by their face.

Passing each face, a mixture of emotions, but my favorite was my own mother's face. Yes, she had ended up coming around. Shock, displeasure, guilt, anger, happy, and as if someone had told her that her new album tanked, disappointment. Without taking a second look at her face, I threw at her a piece of paper with the words scratched on it "Goodbye". I walked out to find E, Stacey, and Domino, with no emotion showing on their faces.

Dominique, being nineteen, was finally able to take care of us. She let me into the car, and we took off, not knowing what was to come next year. And that's the start of my story. Stick around, it gets better.

**A/N: EMO TESS! Believe us, it'll get better. It'll start off explaining Tess Tyler's beautifully broken self. And yes, we know that none of these songs are an original. The first song is "Heart of Stone" by Cher. The second one is "Fly On The Wall" by Miley Cyrus, and the last one is "One Step At A Time" by Jordin Sparks. Not to be confused with the Jonas Brothers' "One Step At A Time". Kay, thanks. Review! We'll try to find a way to review your stories, but it'll be difficult. Heh.**


	2. The Next Summer

**A/N: Kay, we wanted to continue this story, despite not having gotten any reviews for it yet. Heh. We just love writing a Tess Tyler centric, because there's no limits to what you can do with Tess Tyler. Oh, right, the WARNINGS. Well, here are ya warnings:**

**This story is very disburting. Do not read if you easily throw up at the thought of blood, purging, or anything else. Oops. Sorry. Well, this story also includes some crude language. Read at your discretion. This story also directs teen runaways, non-Disney related Camp Rock Tess Tyler (e.g, cutting, bulimia, anorexia, ect.), lyrics from Parental Advisory albums (e.g, Fergie, Garbage (explicit), Fall Out Boy albums, Cobra Starship albums, Panic! At The Disco albums, Katy Perry, ect.), Disney lyrics taken out of context, and underage drinking. Parents are advised to read and see if this story is something they will let their child read (and don't say no just because you don't like it, find out if you kid can comprehend these things, not just because you want to protect them, it's better they hear it from us because we'll show the consequences in the end. We have a cool ending planned). We are not liable for any mental scarring this story leaves you with.**

**Paring warnings: This contains both canon and crack parings and if you don't like the beginning pairings, it's like Texas whether. They'll change.**

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**Chapter One: The Next Summer and What My Bracelets Stand For**

This was the year I'll be turning to my Sweet Sixteen. I bet you're wondering why I have three charm bracelets. I know I told every that they stand for the Grammys my mother has won, but that's a lie. The gold one stands for every event my mother has missed, from the first ballet recital to every Camp Rock performance I've ever given along with almost every birthday. The silver one stands for every boyfriend my mother has had, been engaged to, or boys that my mother has dated that gave me presents. There's almost forty charms on it. There are three boys that left before the charms were even finished, the ones that'll bring the total up to forty.

The final one, the bronze one. That stands for every song I've ever written. There's enough on there to bring the total number of charms on each bracelet up to five hundred, the same amount of Grammys my mother won. The most important one is the gold one. The second important one is the bronze one. It also includes charms from my friends at home. Charms that people gave to me because it relates to the exterior of me. And the last important one is the silver one.

I showed up at Camp Rock in a broken down car, and I've heard the news about my first single off of my new album "Bleed Like Me", titled after the first single. What I didn't know was how much sympathy I would face. I brought my two best friends with me, and Dominique, the only way we could afford the camp was if Dominique agreed to be a maid. Dominique told us not to worry, she'll won't force us to help. I was carrying my own knock-off bags, having sold my Louis Vuitton bags to pay for my half of the bill.

Times were rough on us. I even had to sell my warehouse of guitars, but I refused to sell the guitar that I had used from the first Final Jam, or the designer case, because of the good memories in it. Dominique already sold half of her own guitars as well. We were struggling, and despite how much I refused, I had to start recording my own album and release it soon. I've recorded all of it, and it's set release is after Camp ends.

Or so we thought. Mitchie came running up to me, and said, "Tess, I _love_ your debut album! It's so amazing, the lyrics are so deep, and it's so hardcore rock! I would've never expected this at all! It's amazing!"

My mouth dropped, and I said, "It came out already? They promised it wouldn't come out until _after_ camp was over!"

Mitchie shrugged, and said, "By the way, did you look at the list of producers? Since I was credited, I got it early."

She showed me the insert, and indeed, her name was credited as a producer, along with Caitlyn's, all of Connect Three, my mother, the producers they gave me, my sisters, and a few other names. And in the list of the song writers, it wasn't just me, I knew that. But I didn't know it was handed to so many people! Elisha said, "Wait! I forgot to give you your early release copy, Tess! I'm so sorry!"

She handed it to me, and I must admit, I was impressed by how it turned out. However, I couldn't believe how many people got to it. They had helped the writing process, and I had no idea, I had just handed them to one of my friends, and they got around. There were two booklets, one of the thank you from me and everyone else. The song list was amazing, and I couldn't believe it.

Mitchie smiled apoligetically, and said, "Well, I guess you really _are_ going broke."

I snapped, "I don't want to hear sympathy."

And with that, I stormed off away from Mitchie, who's face was confused. Mitchie was a producer? I didn't know that, but I didn't know that so many people would be working on my debut album! Sander and Nate were listed as producers, and Nate helped out with my songs? I didn't know that. Maybe I had let him, but I can't be too sure. Of course.

The next night, I walked into the cabin for Open Mic with a long sleeved, deep cut hoodie-like shirt over a tank top. My bracelets were what caught everyone's attention and I felt three inches tall. Everyone had stopped talking and looked at me, the girl who lost everything. My jeans went down to my high heels, and I felt like pulling the hood up and hiding from everyone. But I couldn't. I noticed no one was playing their music, and, a little frightened, I walked up to the microphone, feeling self-conscious.

I noticed Stacey come forward with my guitar and handed it to me. I put it around me, and said, "Well, guess the secrets out." I let out a small laugh, before continuing, "I do write songs, and, since most of you have heard my album, I might as well give you a taste of what's to come. This one is called 'Beautiful Disaster'. It's meant for the piano, but I'll go with the guitar instead."

**_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme, I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more Heaven then a heart could hold_**

**_And if I try to save him  
My whole world will cave in  
It just ain't right  
Lord it just ain't right_**

**_Oh, when I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster_**

**_And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Lord would it be beautiful  
Or just a beautiful disaster_**

**_He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see_**

**_But do I try to change him  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight  
Baby hold me tight_**

**_Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster_**

**_And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful  
Or just a beautiful disaster_**

**_I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm searching for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long, I've waited so long_**

**_He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the ends, he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take_**

**_Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster_**

**_And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful  
Or just a beautiful disaster_**

**_He's beautiful  
Lord, he's so beautiful  
He's beautiful_**

After I finished my song, a round of applause was given for me. I just then realized I had sang a song that I had recorded for my next album. I wrote it about Sander, but it had a touch of Nate's doings in there. I remember when he broke up with me. The time that I remember so well, and even wrote a song about it, it just tore me into two. This was the year before last, it made me so bitter when he said it to me.

_Flashback_

_I was dressed up for a date with Nate, a gorgeous flowing, A-line skirt, a cami under a long-sleeved pink hoodie that was low-cut, and my bracelets. Hiding my scars was getting harder, which is why I opted to get flesh-like second skin over my skin, blended there by heavy-duty makeup. I took it from a stylist, who gave me the tools to hide my scars when I needed it. I pulled the hoodie over, and when I saw him come up to me, I smiled. This was the most important day of my life, the day that I would finally get to know I won._

_But Nate's face wasn't kind at all, and when he kissed me, it was obvious he was holding back. I smiled though, hiding the fact I was so hurt. Nate said simply, "We need to talk."_

_All of a sudden, everything that had made me strong disappeared, and I felt like crying. My voice cracked, and I said, "About what?"_

_I knew what he was going to say before he even said it. "Tess, I know that you're still cutting. And I've been thinking, and I've come to the realization: what if one day you accidentally cut too hard and die? I can't live with this. It's too much for me. I can't constantly worry about you, and I'm leaving on tour soon as well. The distance would also put some strain on what is already running thin. I don't want to say it, but I have to say that I have to move on. I'm breaking up with you."_

_The tears suddenly fell down, the tears I was withholding, and I begged, "Nate, please, don't do this to me! I need you! I love you, you can't just leave me! Please, don't tell me goodbye!"_

_Nate put a finger to my lips, and the tears continued to fall. With his thumb, he wiped the tears falling from my blue eyes, quickly losing the sparkle that Nate gave them, and I felt my heart breaking into two. Nate whispered, "It's not goodbye. Goodbye means forgetting, and I'll never forget you. I hope we can stay friends, Tess. I really would like that."_

_I didn't know if I could, I still had plenty of feelings left for him. Instead, I said, "I hope so."_

_Nate gave me one final kiss before turning around, leaving me forever. Or so I thought. Hurt, wounded, and upset, I ran to my guitar case, where Peggy was asking what I was doing, threw it over my shoulder and ran out to the docks._

_Sitting down, I strummed at my guitar, writing the song in ten minutes. I cried onto my guitar, recalling all the good times we had, him dancing with me in the rain with no music, the kisses we shared that I remember so well, everything that made me want him still, and my worst memory: goodbye._

_End Flashback_

I felt like the tears would fall when I had gotten off the stage and saw Nate again. Nate looked surprised, and I looked at who he was talking to, Caitlyn Geller, a producer on my album, and now I understood everything. Taking my guitar, I ran out as fast as I could, ignorning Nate's pleas for me to wait, for him to explain, and I knew he knew that I wasn't on the best of terms with Caitlyn.

Back in my cabin, I locked the door to the bathroom with my journal, tears spilling as I wrote away into it, crying over what could've been. However, Nate just wouldn't leave me alone, let me cry over him. He rapped harshly over the door, asking, "Tess? Can I talk to you?"

Ignoring him, I took my razor, and lifted up my sleeves, which bared scars from the past, and sliced right into my skin, trying so hard to let the pain out on my arms, and everything felt better for some reason as I watched the blood drip from my arm. This is what the song "Bleed Like Me" meant. However, most of the time I don't cut as deep as I did right then. It felt great when I started but when I noticed more blood than usual, I let out a yelp, which caused Nate to immediately ram the door down, or was it the blood pouring out under the door?

Nate's eyes went wide at the blood running down my arms while I didn't look the least bit phased. If I died, who would care? Apparently, Nate would, because he immediately dropped his arms around me, and kissed me, taking me quickly to the cabin where the nurse was, not even caring that my lip gloss rubbed off on his lips, or even that my blood was soaking his shirt as he tried to stop the blood flow on the way there. However, when we came in, not only was it us there, it was everyone else, who was obviously anticipating my arrival.

And a flash went off in my eyes, and another, and pretty soon, camera flashes from paparazzi was all I could see. And Nate's face went from kind and sympathetic to angry in one-step, which freaked me out. But he wasn't angry at me. No, he was yelling at... _Shane_? Wait... oh, Shane apparently didn't know much, and could only tell him that the paparazzi where here because... _I missed an interview with Chelsea from Chelsea Lately_?

And she apparently wanted to know why. Well, it wasn't just Chelsea, and Chelsea was trying to get everyone else out of the cabin, and finally, when Connect Three's security finally got everyone out, she said appologetically, "I'm _so_ sorry, Ms. Tyler. You probably didn't want all these cameras around, I kind of figured that when you didn't show for the video interview. But I wanted at least at an audio transcript, so I came over here instead, but apparently, when they got the wind I was going to interview you, they tagged along without my knowledge. Ms. Tyler, how can I make it up to you?"

I nodded, and said, "You can just call me Tess, and it's okay. I kind of thought someone would find out about this sooner or later. I just wish it was later."

Nate came back over, and said, "She needs to get some help for her arms, so, Ms. Chelsea, could you please wait outside for us?"

She nodded, and stepped out of the Infirmary Cabin. I looked over at Nate, who smiled at me. This was the only cabin in which someone could make out and not be seen in. Nate's lips soon fell on mine, and he was kissing me again, like he used to do. I loved every minute of it until the nurse came in and made a clearing throat sound. Nate pulled away, and I looked at the nurse, and my world came crashing down. Caitlyn Geller was the assitant, Dominique was one nurse, and the other nurse wasn't important.

Caitlyn's forced smile was obvious, and I was scared I was going to burn this bridge I built again. Please, don't let that happen.

**A/N: Dudes, just because we can't _give out_ reviews doesn't mean you can't stop _giving_ us our reviews! How are we doing? What do you think? And cliff-hanger, because if we continued anymore, we'd give away the WHOLE story, and we can't do that!**


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